mary.

i love christmas.

i know, i know. thanksgiving is this week and believe me i love it too. so much food, so much laughter, and more fun than i can handle. but i think tied into my love for thanksgiving is that it is the gatekeeper to christmas.

everyone begins celebrating the day after. however for weeks target, hobby lobby, and the like have been beckoning those of us who dare to venture into decorating by alluring us with their sales on christmas decor.

so like most years, i gave in.

my roommates and i put up our tree and other decorations last night. it's beautiful. it's fun. and it just automatically brings joy. because i've been decorating, i let my thoughts wander to christmas.

i thought about the fact that He came

and i thought about mary.

it could possibly be because i have been thinking a lot about motherhood and how much i dream of it happening one day. it might be because i just got back from haiti where so many are motherless. no matter the reason, i just kept thinking about her.

mary was Jesus' mother.

she was a teenager who was promised to Joseph.

and then she got pregnant. everyone knows the story. she was a virgin, but no one believed it because she was pregnant. God revealed Himself to joseph and mary in order to confirm that, indeed, Jesus would be born through a virgin.

God is in the business of keeping His word. so true to form He was faithful in sending His son to come live among us. Jesus, our Savior, was born to mary.

i have an ache deep down within me every time i think about being able to carry a child. it's a different story for a different day, but its a hard ache for me to handle. today, as i thought about mary and how she was carrying Jesus within her, i thought about how she had to surrender.

He was never hers.

He was always His.

i imagine as a mother it is a difficult balance to allow your children to leave your nest. be it to kindergarten, college, or the baby sitters. but to know that He was meant to be the Savior of the world was probably a lot to handle as a momma.

my desire for control and my desire for security makes me so unlike mary. i would have been tempted to bargain with God, "don't give me this child if you're going to take it away" or by trying to convince him how he should know how much i want to be a mother thus make it all okay. but the difference with mary was she knew that God knew that. He gave her those desires: to nurture, to love, to protect, to care. but she also knew that His plan was better. He was always meant to be His. sent for His purposes not for hers.

it's a different kind of surrender to know that what He gives is also His to take. mary was Jesus' mother and she was one incredible woman because she lived with her hands open and ready for Him to give or to take. she trusted that He was good. she trusted Him with her dreams, her marriage, her motherhood, and her life.

i want to be more like mary.

this christmas, i'll think about her anticipation as she awaited the birth of Jesus' knowing that with it came both a fulfillment of a dream and a surrender of another.

"mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart."- luke 2:19