break my heart for what break Yours

a while ago, i read this blog and was inspired by her challenge to break a pitcher and spend time putting it back together. i honestly thought the adventure would be totally worth it because of the countless possibilities for lessons, but i never found the time until a few weeks ago.

i found this unique & beautiful pitcher at hobby lobby for a pretty good deal with the intention of breaking it, it had just enough detail for me to feel like it would be possible.

i shattered it, but i didn't want to. i just kept thinking about the various ways it could look cute in my house or room. as i stood on my front porch clutching to a ceramic masterpiece that God would use to teach me and i didn't want to let it go. i questioned my rational behind ever embarking on the adventure and i kept trying to justify why i didn't need to do it, but then i knew it was made to be broken. it was it's destiny if you will. it's the role it signed up for when i ran my debit card for it. this pitcher had a purpose and though i couldn't fully understand why, i knew i needed to follow through. so i carefully let it slip out of my hands. why i bothered to be careful, who knows? a part of me thought that if i were careful it wouldn't break in a million pieces, that if i were careful i could some how control where the pieces went. i was wrong. 

i'm still finding pieces in the flower bed. 

so i gathered all that i could and proceeded to place all the pieces on my kitchen table. there seemed to be too many and i didn't know where to start. but i just began with no instructions or plan, i just knew that as the pieces came together clarity would follow. 

and the pieces continued to slowly come together. not perfectly and not exactly, but they have a place all the same. 

but then i had to stop. not for forever, but for a while. i am halfway through and i needed a break from the pieces. the weeks that have followed have not alloted for a lot of time to finish it and to be honest i don't want to. broken things can be put together again but it takes time and it takes patience. the same impatience i have in my life with my own brokenness was reflected in my impatience with this pitcher. it's a work in progress and to be honest i hate that. just like i hate the process within my own life sometimes. 

Angie, spoke of her experience about breaking her pitcher and said, "The image of my life as a broken pitcher was beautiful to me, but at the same time, it was hard to look at all of the cracks. I ran my fingers along them and told Him I wish it had been different. How I wished I had always loved Him, always obeyed Him, always sought Him the way I should. I was mad at the imperfections, years wasted, gaping holes where it should be smooth. But God, my ever-gracious God, was gentle and yet convicting as He explained. How do you think the world has seen me? If it wasn't for the cracks, I couldn't seep out the way I do. I chose the pitcher, I chose you." 

i don't love brokenness, but that's probably because i can't see how it all fits together. i often just see the pieces, but i know the One who puts it all together.

henri nouwen profoundly speaks about brokenness when he said, "our life is full of brokenness-broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. how can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God's faithful presence in our lives...we are chosen, blessed, and broken to be given" 

the pitcher will be completed, i promise. but as i continue to learn about brokenness and struggle through many questions, I will trust the One who redeems completely.