spring.

this season of life is so fun. so full, yet so impossible at times.

it feels like i'm constantly living in the interim.

waiting for the next thing. the next season. the next stage. the next job. the next semester.

anticipation and i have a love/hate relationship.

its what keeps me moving forward, yet it is also the reason i lack patience so much of the time.

i find myself thinking about what is ahead and so tonight i find myself with this desire to just be. meaning that i'll enjoy the interim instead of waiting for the next big thing. maybe i'll even love this season of life because it's not the interim at all. it's living in the midst of questions. and laughter. and tears. and joy. and fears. and new relationships. and more school and loving all of it.

my favorite author and long lost sister from a different mother, shauna niequist says:

"what kept me stuck, when i was stuck, were my own demands and expectations, my own collection of fear and anxiety. and what got me through, when i got through, were the times i spent with people i loved and the times i spent in prayer. it's pretty much that clear, looking back on it all now. God doesn't speak to everyone the same way, but he generally speaks the same way over and over again to each person. i think that's absolutely true. God generally speaks to me through grand gestures. actually i think he speaks to me first in whispers and that i don't listen until he's shouting. i regret this, and i think the last few years could have been a little easier had i been a better listener. but i'm learning. it's human to struggle. it's human to nurse a broken heart, to wonder if the pain will ever let up, to howl through your tears everyone once in a while. and the best, most redeeming, exciting thing i can imagine, from the smashed-up broken place i've been, is that something beautiful could blossom out of the wreckage. that's the goal" (niequist, p.231-232)

so i'm learning love yet again... His love.

his gentle, yet relentless pursuit of me.

and how he is stability even when nothing else is.

and how he grows things in me and in you.

in this season i'm grateful for all the fun. all the questions. all the people. in a few years i have a feeling i'll look back on this time of my life and i'll see what He was growing in me.

so here's to spring, both literally and figuratively. it's a season of Him making all things new. growing beautiful things out of the broken. and me just enjoying today...

references:

niequist, s. (2010). bittersweet. grand rapids: zondervan.