learning humility.

as defined by wikipedia (what would i do without it?): "Humility, or being humble, is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. The opposite of humility is pride."

i hate pride, but yet it is one consistent theme in my life. i talk to Jesus about how i hate my selfishness and my pride, but then i continue in it. why? because it's easy. it is easy to think about me and what's going on in my life because it's my life. but what's amazing about that is before i know it, "me" becomes my focus. not good.

so then God brings something into my life that offers a deeper perspective than the tunnel vision i tend to possess. sometimes He takes me to africa where i get to love on precious children who want nothing more than a hug. other times He takes me to a waiting room in a doctor's office, waiting for test results, but sitting beside people who are suffering much greater sorrow than my thyroid problem. then, there are opporuntities, like the one i have to be a counselor, where i sit with broken, messy people and i wonder why i ever felt like i've had a hard life. the times are countless that Jesus beckons me to a situation or a person that teaches me. to be honest, it's been in these moments that my heart overflowed with gratitude. i needed to see something besides me and i needed to know that it's not about me.

but as i write that, i'm still there. God is daily having to bring me these moments. sometimes i joke about there being a black cloud that follows me around...weird, random, frustrating things happen to me all the time. but i'm beginning to believe they all come with a purpose to see the world differently.

i had a wreck last thursday with an electrician. he hit me and it was a bummer of a deal. he had not slept in 72 hours because he had been working so hard from the power outages with the ice storm. my initial reaction was far from righteous, in fact, if i were still four it would have followed with my mouth being washed out with soap. but once i got out of my car and spoke with the man, i was humbled. not because he hit me, but because he was working so hard and was so tired. i was headed to the razorback game, thankful that the roads were finally clear. but then i was stopped in my tracks. to meet a dear electrician who was too tired to be driving. we laughed for the hour that we were there. i learned from him. sometimes i am so busy with my day, my plans, and the drama that is or isn't going on in my life that i forget about others.

i titled this blog, learning love, because it's my life goal. i told God it was and i asked Him to help me, and so He is faithful to do so.

i don't like all of His ways, but they are good none the less. if they get me closer to a life of love and farther away from this pride that seems to be a constant companion then i will be thankful.

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is love without getting tired".-mother teresa