the day i became LuLu

two years ago today, tucker alan hill was born.
amy was an absolute champ and the sweet little family of three was created that continues to amaze and bless us all.

here's a slideshow that i made that sweet, sweet day two years ago...



two years.

that day was one i will never forget and it was a day full of joy, much more than 100. but really everyday with tucker was joy and thinking about him now brings that joy back even amidst tears.

as i think back on all that the two years has held i am overwhelmed with gratitude. though the absence of tucker is experienced in so many ways, today is a day i want to celebrate him and miss him all at the same time. i walked through a store yesterday and let myself walk through the toy aisle. i was thinking about what i would have bought him for his birthday and i got angry. but then, the image of his first birthday came to mind and i started laughing: the kid was stuffing cake in his mouth faster than you can even imagine. i can hear his hilarious little laugh and my just heart aches. today reminds us of the tension in the pain and the joy.

today, i am asking that the Lord would be near my precious sister-in-law and brother and tucker's mimi, papa, minnie, GP, and so many that love him fiercely. i'm asking that He would remind us all that He will turn our mourning into dancing. tucker loved to dance and so it only seems fitting that we can bank on that promise. we miss him. we are thankful for him. it's a hard day and a good day. i don't pretend to understand that paradox, but i know its true: He is good and does good.  i celebrate this favorite little guy today and i am so grateful that he made me a LuLu; it's one of my favorite things. love you, tucker!