maybe it's because the dawn of a new year is upon us or maybe it is the mass amount of time spent with family members sharing stories about years past. whatever the cause, it doesn't matter. however, my mind ebbs and flows through memories and dreams.
i have made lots of lists and lots of plans in my day.
guess how many of them have turned out the way i planned?
do you have a guess? okay, well the answer is zero. none. absolutely nothing.
and i'm okay with it. or i'm learning to be okay with it.
have i always liked it? um, no.
would i change the way things have played out? probably not.
would i trade what i have learned through it all? never.
the reality is that my plans fail miserably in comparison to the plans of the One who authored my story long before i even thought about it. but along the way i have begun to believe that my way is better for me and ever so gently i am reminded that i only can see a part, a glimpse of what He is doing. glimpses are hard because i just want to see the entire picture. i want to know the ends and outs of certain things. mainly, i just want to know how it all turns out. i'm the girl that will fast forward to the end of a movie just so i can know what happens. it's about security for me. but for some reason, God has asked that i surrender my need for security. i can yell and scream about how it's not fair or i can be thankful for the part i get to see.
i think new years resolutions are lame. mainly because i break mine by january 2nd. but this i will do, even today and each day after. i will remind myself of the beauty in the glimpses and when the story seems so different than my plan, i will trust the One who knows way better than i do. will this be hard? duh. but i am learning it's really the only way to trust. it's about becoming okay with the glimpses, remembering that one day we will know in FULL. my security is false security anyways.
jesus, may i trust you even when you don't seem trustworthy.
you are good.
1 comment:
nice
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